I miss the comfort of being sad
I don't know if being sad is comfortable, but it does give you something omnipresent. Grief is a presence caused by an absence, and that absence presses in, much more than a presence often does. You know where things are, because it is so hard to avoid that feeling.
Now, having been here for a while, and having gotten a few routines and a few sources of comfort, I don't feel that. I don't have a single emotional imperative. What I have is a big list of stress and anxiety. None of which are as mad as I imagine them to be, but tell that to me at 2 AM. Maybe I need more physical activity, I haven't been able to ride my bicycle for a while.
Does this make sense to anyone?